The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

A distinct memory from my childhood is when I experienced bias and prejudice resulted around my family’s economic status.  When I was eleven years old my group of friends was planning a “make over” party.  We wanted to all get together at someone’s house to basically put make up on each other, do each other’s hair and give manicures and pedicures.  One of the major details of the party was to discuss whose house we would gather for the party.  I immediately volunteered my house.  I knew my mother enjoyed participating in events like this and she would be on board.  When I volunteered my house, my girlfriends all kind of became quiet and seemed uncomfortable.  I did not pay any mind to it, until one of my other girlfriends said no; we will have it at my house.  Immediately, all of my girlfriends agreed.  In my mind, I did not understand and was quite taken back by the group’s enthusiasm because we would discuss how we hated going to her house because her mother was really strict and scary.  That night I went home and told my mother about our plans; she was extremely excited and talked about how we could set up our living room into a salon, etc.  The next day at lunch I told my girlfriends about the idea and asked if we could have it at my house.  Again, they became quiet. Finally, one of my friends spoke up and said “honestly Lauren, your house is not as nice as mine and it is really small”.  Then another one of my friends said “plus, my mother does not really feel comfortable with me going to your neighborhood, especially if we are sleeping over”.  I honestly was in complete disbelief and immediately became quiet.  

This incident was the first time I felt judged because of my economic status.  All of my friend’s parents had college degrees and lived in nice, middle to upper class, single family homes.  I on the other hand lived in a town-home in town.  Although it was not the nicest neighborhood, it certainly was not low class or considered the “bad” part of town.   I remember my parents did what they could financially.  There were definitely times going to the grocery store that my parents would not let us get Dunk-a-roos because it was not on the list and we could deviate from our strict budget.  Although, I remember my parents talking about money being tight and I never considered myself “poor” or “low class”.  

After this incident with my friends I started to reflect and compare my life to theirs.  I realized they all had nicer clothes, possessions and houses.  Their parents were more educated and had better careers.  With that being said, the worst comment my friends made was when they said their parents did not feel comfortable with them coming to my neighborhood.  Their parents had never even been to my neighborhood, nor had they met my family.  They completely judged my parents based on their economic status.  Then they made a stereotype and a bias regarding our economic status. 

This incident made me become self-conscious of my family and envious of my friends.  I felt inferior to them.  I no longer felt like they respected me and I was an equal within the group.  I remember babysitting non-stop to make my own money in order to buy brand named clothing and to go ice-skating every Friday because that is what the popular, respected, middle-upper class students did and wore.  The sad part about this situation was instead of me standing up for my family and being proud of my parent’s accomplishments, I became ashamed of them.  Also, instead of realizing my friends were not my true friends, I tried even harder to fit in and receive acceptance.  Looking back on the situation now, I would have handled the situation completely different.  However, at the time I felt the pressure of what the dominant culture considered acceptable.  

In order for this incident to have had resulted in greater equity many factors would have had changed.  I believe it started with my friends.  Their perspective of me and my family based on my things and house would need to be different.  I believe their perspective stemmed from their parent’s perspectives and judgments.  My friend made the comment “my mom does not feel comfortable…”, therefore I believe her parents had influenced her perspectives and judgments.   I believe their parents attitude and judgment is a result of the dominant culture’s attitudes in our society.  The dominant culture and our society are made up white, middle-upper class, educated people.  Both of my parents had not received a college education and our house and possessions did not reflect those of someone of the dominant culture.  The dominant culture has made biases on people of lower economical status.  Therefore ultimately this situation’s equity results from the dominant culture and the dominant culture would need to completely change their perspectives in order for people in our society to change their biases and judgments.